Buddha knows : How to Meditate?

Buddha knows - An interview with Abbot Dhammajayo on Buddhism 

by Monica Øien

“Relaxing at home after taking a shower, 

you can practice meditation by yourself”

Monica :               I would like to use meditation to fill my body and soul with all these nice images, if  it’s possible in my life. Yes, that would be really nice.

Luang Por :          Meditation allows you to gain a universal experience that doesn’t contradict any  other beliefs. It is not about religion. It is merely a know-how that can be achieved together with happiness. This is something extra.

Monica :               Really? Ok, thank you very much. I will do my best to try and follow this world of  meditation. It’s going to be difficult but I respect it a lot. Thank you

Luang Por :          Actually, meditation is not as difficult as your imagine. Let’s try. Can you imagine the  face of your own son?

Monica :               Yes of course.

Luang Por :          Are you sure?

Monica :               Yes I can see it.

Luang Por :          Are you picturing with ease or do you need special effort?

Monica :               No, I have to concentrate but I have been trying to do that before. I cannot  concentrate on two things at the same time. My mind is only on this, and I can imagine the picture.

Luang Por :          Simply feel as if you are at home. Forget all the surroundings. Just concentrate on  the picture in your mind.

Monica:                With my eyes closed?

Luang Por :          It’s up to you.

Monica :               I can see his face yes.

Luang Por :          Is the image clearer than seeing with your physical eyes, or less?

Monica :               Um, it’s less of course.

Luang Por :          About how many per cent?

Monica :               About twenty or something. I don’t know, ten maybe.

Luang Por :          That’s great. If you can picture the face of your son in your mind, it means that you  can practice meditation. Simply change the location. Are you picturing your son at home or somewhere else?

Monica :               Right now I have to concentrate more to visualize it really well. It’s at home, yes.

Luang Por :          So, try picturing your son clearly in your mind.

Monica :               Ok. I can see his nose, eyes and mouth.

Luang Por :          That’s very good!

Monica :               And his hair, and it must be less than twenty because it’s in black and white. Yes…  yes! So am I a good candidate? I can learn meditation?

Luang Por :          Excellent, so you can do it! I’m not sweet-talking you. How long did you picture the  face of your son continuously?

Monica :                Well, I usually don’t do that, so not for long, but it feels good to do it. Can I try to  imagine other things?

Luang Por :          When you are relaxing at home after taking a shower, you can practice meditation  by yourself. You have practiced Yoga before, right? Then you can do it.

For how long would you be able to picture the face of your son? Five minutes, or ten  minutes maybe?

Monica :               I could probably sit for half an hour or maybe longer, I don’t know. It’s hard to tell.  Do you mean I must have the same picture all the time? Well, then it might
be a few minutes I think. I don’t know. I have to try. Can I try tonight and I will tell you tomorrow?

Luang Por :          Let’s continue. Besides your son’s face, what would be the best image that you can  picture with your mind at ease?

Monica :               Oh yes, it’s the house where my parents live in Spain. I can see the beach clearly. It’s  where I read all my books and sleep a lot, and do pilates.

Luang Por :          Very good. Can you imagine it all the time, let’s say for 10 minutes?

Monica :                Yes, I can if I use sound as well…just imagining the sounds and the melodies. I think I  can do that.

Luang Por :          You definitely can do it. Have you ever stood on the beach in front of this house and  watched the sunrise or sunset?

Monica :               Yes, especially sunrise in the morning.

Luang Por :          Suppose that you picture the sunrise on the beach, how long would you be able to  do it relaxed and without losing focus?

Monica :               Well it’s so peaceful so I could probably…I don’t know. Maybe a few minutes or  maybe even for ten minutes.

Luang Por :          Excellent.

Monica :               Meaning that I must not think about anything else, and I must just concentrate on  this image?

Luang Por :          Correct. See, you can do it easily! Now, imagine that you are watching the sunrise on  the beach? Picture only the sun in your mind without the waves. Can you do it?

Monica :               So I must just take away the other things and concentrate on the sun? It’s not very  strong.

Luang Por :          Very good. No sand, no sea, but only the sun, not shining too strong. How come you  told me that meditation was impossible for you?

Monica :               I can. I can picture that!

Luang Por :          This is the very basis of meditation. This time, please ignore the beach and the sea, and visualize only the soothing sun. Then, let’s relocate it from the sky to your abdomen. Don’t do it too seriously.

Monica :               And since the sun is really warm I will feel it as well? Oh, there are some birds.

Luang Por :          Don’t worry about the birds. Let them pass by naturally. Simply imagine yourself on  the sandy beach where you can see the sunrise, then forget everything except the sun. When your mind is focused and relaxed, relocate the sun into your abdomen.

Monica :               Now it’s moving bit by bit, to my tummy.

Luang Por :          Very good. You can do it. But don’t stare or force yourself to see the image. Just  picture it softly in your mind.

Monica :               Ok, to my tummy. I’ve got it now, I have it there.

Luang Por :          Well, have you made it?

Monica :               Yes. I think I have made it.

Luang Por :          You can now see that meditation is not beyond our capability. It’s that simple. This  also reaffirms what I said; that we can meditate all the time either with closed or opened eyes, just as you have done now.

Monica :               I understand.

Luang Por :          Monica tam dai. (Monica can do it.)

Monica :               Monica tam dai.

Luang Por :          A beginner can start from a few minutes to five or ten minutes. And then we  increase the time period further. Simply focus on the sun within.

Monica :               So, will my happiness increase?

Luang Por :          Certainly, if you can meditate daily. After a while, you will be able to do it  effortlessly. This means that you don’t have to actively visualize in your mind, but you can do it automatically. Similar to the way we breathe without any effort.
We can see the image in our abdomen all the time, the mind will be focused, and you will discover true happiness that never happened to you before. It is the kind of happiness that is hard to explain.

Monica :               It’s really a gift. I think I can identify with it.

Luang Por :          Yes, and this is how the monks can sustain their monastic life.
                             It all starts from here.

Monica :               So it’s the sun that is the love that you have?

Luang Por :          Of course, but its universal love and goodwill towards fellow humankind.

Monica :               But it’s the sensation of it. Yes, that’s the most important part.

Luang Por :          Starting from this, if we keep practicing and improving our meditation experience,  we will be able to learn about the pre-disembodiment image.

Monica :               Now I understand one of your principles. You don’t need entertainment or to go out  to exhibitions or concerts because you can make your own happiness.

Luang Por :          Yes, you are correct. One can rely on oneself to be happy. In other words, one will  fall in love with oneself.

Monica :               Without being selfish?

Luang Por :          Right, falling in love with oneself means discovering the source of true happiness  within.

Monica :               Well, now I understand everything, I think. I understand why we search for  happiness all the time, but cannot find it externally. You have to look inside.

Luang Por :          Correct! Happiness from shopping doesn’t last long. Soon, we will forget about it,  and we will seek other happiness. We struggle our whole lives searching for happiness. Material happiness is not worthwhile. The happiness we obtain from it is so small, compared to the abundant sufferings that exist. But meditation requires a minimal effort, and the return of happiness is boundless. Moreover, we can teach a person how to welcome death fearlessly. It’s due to their internal happiness. If one’s mind remains calm and happy, despite the pain and suffering, one can overcome fear totally.

Monica :               But you know when you’re really stressed and you have too much to do, like  organizing the kids, and work and everything, and your mind goes wild. I don’t
know, but if you visualize the sun or the thing that’s personal for you, and you cannot think about two things at the same time, how do you get there so it will
take away the stress? Intellectually, I can understand it. It’s just for me to try and practice it and to see if I can live with it.

Luang Por :          This is just the normal perception of most people. They believe that meditation can  not go hand in hand with their daily lives. This is the case for those who don’t practice earnestly. Let me ask you first if you can breathe, talk, look, and listen while driving a car? You use both hands and feet for driving too, right? How do you do it?

Monica :               Yes, I understand. But I have no pictures and I don’tmeditate.

Luang Por :          Not really, because when you pick up your son, you would have the picture of your  son in your mind.

Monica :               No not necessarily. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t.

Luang Por :          If you can meditate along with your daily activities, your daily life will be filled with  happiness and enhanced with better efficiency.

Monica :               Ok, I will go back to the visualization of the sun and tell you of my experience.

Luang Por :          Tonight, after taking a shower, please try meditating and then take it back home to  Norway.

Monica :               I will. I have already decided to do this again. Even on the plane.

Luang Por :          That’s fantastic! Please also send me your homework when we meet again, from  today until The Light of Peace Ceremony. By the way, do not force yourself too
much while practicing meditation. It’s okay if you cannot visualize anything, but don’t skip a single day without meditation. Also, every hour of your day, take a minute to practice visualization.

Monica :               I have really been looking for something new to fill up my life with. I didn’t plan this,  but it has come to me now. I think it’s worth the effort.

Luang Por :          So, your mission here is not just for an interview, but also to reconnect your life to  what is missing. I believe you can do it and Hallgrim too. This is a good opportunity. Many newcomers have the same idea as you do, that too many errands will prevent them from meditation practice. Indeed, they can do both at the same time automatically. Meditation will become a part of your life, like another organ in your body. However, whenever you feel that you put too much effort into meditation, simply imagine that you are standing on a beach where you can observe the sea and the sun. This will help you to relax and restart with ease. You see, meditation is not hard at all. It is such a simple thing that everyone can put into practice. Thailand is not cold like Norway and you may feel that it is hard to meditate here. But after you return to the cool climate, you will be able to meditate well. Don’t forget to introduce meditation to your parents and your son. Children can do meditation very well and learn faster than an adult like you.

Monica :               Thank you!

Buddha knows : A Successful Marriage

Buddha knows - An interview with Abbot Dhammajayo on Buddhism

By Monica Øien

“One of the reasons why family members are drawn to share the same 

fate or belong to the same family is that they had committed similar

actions in the past”

Monica :          We have a big problem in Norway. Many people get divorced, like 50% every year, and I don’t know why that happens all the time because you can just change

                        your man like you change your car or clothes, and so we are trying to find out how
do they do it in other religions and other cultures. Hopefully we can take some of this information back home and inspire Norwegians. How is it possible to maintain a long

                        loving marriage?

Luang Por :     Those who decide to get married need to know three important questions.
Why do you want to get married? How do you find a suitable spouse?
What will create a good married life? For the first question, the objectives of marriage are not only for a sexual relationship or the continuity of family lines,
but also to live side by side and encourage each other to achieve the goal of being born human, like doing good deeds, avoiding bad deeds, terminating the cycle of birth or at least being  reborn into a celestial realm. Moreover, it is not enough to get married just because two people love each other. Apart from love, one needs to consider

                        other factors as well. As mentioned above, the couple should be equal to each other in four aspects: faith, precepts, attitude and belief. Buddhist couples usually

                        take some time to learn and know each other before getting married.
This means it may take months or even years. In a way, waiting is seen as a test for true

                        love. In order to have a happy marriage, husband and wife must learn to live together and treat each other with equal consideration.
What a husband and wife should do in order to make a good relationship is to
“love simultaneously, be angry at different times”.
Also, they should always smile at each other, learn to

                        be calm and reasonable, respect each others needs and opinions,
provide each other with some degree of freedom, and sacrifice themselves for the sake of the family. In order to prolong the relationship, they should learn to create some space between each other. For example, a relationship is compared with a bird in

                        our hands. If we grasp it too tight, the bird will die and we will lose it forever.
To keep it with us, we must learn to hold it gently and with great care.
Moreover, husbands and wives should learn to please each other with sharing, sweet words and help.
They should also act properly so as to learn what a wife should do for a

                        husband and what a husband should do for a wife. There are a lot more tactics which can not all be explained here. Although the advice here may be quite

                        a good guideline for leading a married life, sometimes it does not work for some people. If it does not, the cause of the break up may be explained by the

                        law of karma. In the Buddhist worldview, separation is a sign that the couple's time
to reap the fruit of their good deeds, which they had done together in the

                        previous lifetime, is at an end. Thus, each of them is forced to separately walk their own path according to their karma. For women whose married life suffers

                        from violence, hard burdens or infidelity, according to Buddhist explanation,
it is the effect of their own misbehavior in the past life. The women probably

                        used to be men in their previous lifetime but they are re-born as women and suffer all these situations because they had committed adultery, had abandoned

                        or abused their wives and children. One of the reasons why family members are drawn to share the same fate or belong to the same family is that they had

                        committed similar actions in the past.

Buddha knows : Daily Life of Buddhists Meditation

Buddha knows - An interview with Abbot Dhammajayo on Buddhism 

by Monica Øien

“Before bed, again it is the time for prayer and meditation in order to free 

their mind from stress and all problems they have faced during the day”

Monica :          What do Buddhist’s scriptures say about time?

Luang Por :     Time management for laypeople and Buddhist monks is quite different. Laypeople have to manage their time in order to achieve both worldly and spiritual development. Every morning they will pray, meditate and share merit with all living things after they get up. All day long, they will observe their mind; work with full consciousness and wisdom while encountering problems from their work or their lives. Before bed, again it is the time for prayer and

                        meditation in order to free their mind from stress and all the problems they have faced during the day. When they go to bed, they will have a sound and peaceful

                        sleep. All laypeople should know their life goal is that they were born to achieve nirvana, so that they can balance their material and spiritual activities.

                        These are daily activities for general laypeople. In addition, every fortnight on the full-moon day, committed Buddhists will visit the temples and listen

                        to a sermon, meditate, and make merits. Also, on special days in Buddhism such as Visakha Puja Day, Asarnha Puja Day, Buddhist Lent Day, the end of Buddhist Lent Day, and every Buddhist observance day, they will join Buddhist ceremonies at the temple and observe eight precepts.

Monica :          I just wonder, the perception of Thais must be so different inside here. Can you describe an ordinary day for a Buddhist monk?

Luang Por :     People who decide to be Buddhist monks undoubtedly want to liberate themselves from sufferings, and attain Nirvana like the Lord Buddha

                        who terminated birth. Therefore, all days and nights, Buddhist monks practice the duties of monkhood to completely eradicate their spiritual defects. Early in the morning, Buddhist monks pray and meditate. Then, they leave the temples to go on alms rounds. After that, they clean their place and study the Lord Buddha’s

                        teachings both by reading the scripture and practicing meditation. In the evening, they also clean the place, say a prayer, and perform meditation to clear their

                        mind with the goal to eradicate defilements. Every fortnight on the full-moon day, Buddhist monks give sermons to teach the people coming to the temples.

Monica :          How much time do you spend meditating every day?

Luang Por :     I meditate twice a day--when I close and open my eyes; when I inhale and exhale. In every manner even sitting, standing, lying, walking or doing

                        anything, I can keep meditating naturally and automatically because I have practiced it this way since I got ordained. I can focus my mind on my inner

                        peace despite my outward movement. It is like the road that lays still even when there are cars running on it, or the sky that is fixed in its place even when clouds

                        are floating by. It became my habit to meditate by focusing my mind at the center of my body, all the time in every activity.

Monica :          Yes ok. How does this meditating affect the rest of your day?

Luang Por :     The benefits of twenty-four hour meditation are that it makes me happy and joyful. It gives me awareness and wisdom which enable me to extinguish my own sufferings. Consequently, I am willing to help other people every day.

                        I use the knowledge from meditation to help people by teaching them about the causes and effects of their deeds which is called “the law of karma”. I spread this knowledge, via the DMC channel, to help people around the world find true

                        happiness. I do all these things out of happiness, goodness of the heart, with full-conscience and wisdom.

Monica :          If you don’t meditate, is there any difference?

Luang Por :     People who do not meditate lack strength of the mind. Their mind will be exposed to confusion, sadness, boredom, stress, hollowness, anxiety and many

                        troubles because there is nothing to empower or protect their minds from everyday life’s problems.

Buddha knows : Death & Afterlife

Buddha knows - An interview with Abbot Dhammajayo on Buddhism 

by Monica Øien

“Death is like a process of transformation from physical bodies to spiritual ones. The Lord also taught that death is a source of human sufferings

Monica :          What do Buddhist scriptures say about death?

Luang Por :     The Lord Buddha said death is simple and ordinary for everybody. All people,  no matter who they are, the rich or the poor, are subject to death. Death is a part of our lives. As long as there is birth, death will certainly come. Even while we are still living, death still takes place in the form of cells in our bodies. Everyday,

there are cells produced and eliminated. This process of birth and death in cells is  not quite as explicit as the death of the person, which can be easily seen. With the Lord Buddha’s teachings, Buddhists are familiar with the subject of death, viewing it as natural. Death is like a process of transformation from physical

bodies to spiritual ones. The Lord Buddha also taught that death is a source of  human sufferings. It causes separation from people and the things we love. When

we die, we are forced to depart from them although they are our beloved persons,   pets and properties. Thus, death is known as suffering. For those who are alive, they also experience grief as their loved ones are taken away. To stop this cycle

of suffering, the Lord Buddha thought there should be no death. Eventually, he  found the way to stop death—to cease birth and there will be no death.

Monica :          How do Buddhists relate to death? Are they afraid of it, and if not, why?

Luang Por :     Deep down everybody certainly fears death, but true Buddhists will be less  scared
as they know the fact that whether they fear it or not, death is inevitable.

They thus prepare themselves for death and study what they should do in order
to  have a good afterlife.

Monica :          Do you prepare yourself for death? How do you do that?

Luang Por :     Buddhists have been taught that death is a binary opposition of birth. To prepare  ourselves for the impending death on a normal level, we must learn to purify our minds, avoid unwholesome acts, do good deeds, be helpful and generous to other people, and accumulate merits. Also, one should acknowledge the purpose of being born a human so as to cease birth and find the celestial realm as a halfway before reaching the goal of nirvana. And for those who can attain a higher level of Dhamma, their minds will be free from any emotional breakdown including the fear of death. More particularly, for the person who can reach higher levels of meditation and gain the proper peace of mind, death or life will be no different to them because they know the nature of death before experiencing the real death.

Monica :          What do Buddhists expect in the afterlife?

Luang Por :     A Buddhist who clearly comprehends the truth of life would expect no  reincarnation in the next life like the Lord Buddha, or at least, expect to be in the celestial realm, and not some unwholesome realm. However, the celestial realm is not the ultimate goal as it is only a temporary asylum. When our time in the celestial world ends, we have to be reborn. In our reincarnation in the human world, we aim to eradicate all defilements which are the seeds of birth.

Monica :          What do they expect will happen when they are dead?

Luang Por :     A true Buddhist will seek to end the cycle of  rebirth by following the Lord  Buddha’s teachings, but the reckless Buddhists may live their lives aimlessly, similar to followers of many other religions. However, most of them would expect to be reborn in the celestial realm, not in the realm of punishment.

Buddha knows : Monastic v.s Secular Life

Buddha knows - An interview with Abbot Dhammajayo on Buddhism 

by Monica Øien

“Prince Siddharta, as an example, rejected his excess royal wealth
because he foresaw that they provided limited happiness whereas sufferings still existed”

Monica :          Good, thank you. What do the monks think about family life?
And do you  consider family life to be a distraction from your faith?

Luang Por :     Family life is restricted by many factors, similar to a fish swimming in a tank  compared to a fish swimming in the ocean. While one is constrained in a specific

area, the other enjoys the boundless space of the sea. In other words,
we may also compare a married couple to caged birds who are not allowed to fly

freely in the sky. So marriage is a binding of life, and family life is not easy.
There are several things to worry about, and this would obstruct the path towards

Arahantship, the highest attainment for laypeople in Buddhism. If we wish to  attain nirvana, monkhood is the only status that takes you there. For laypeople,

they can attain enlightenment up to a certain level, but not the highest level.
Look at Prince Siddharta who was blessed with a beautiful wife and an adorable baby boy. He had never found the utmost satisfaction in life although he had abundant wealth, dignity, power, and servants. Finally, he renounced the world and sought to ordain since he realized that a family life does not encourage the Dhamma attainment. Is that clear to you?

Monica :          It seems as if we in the west only find happiness when we buy a new car or a big  house, and have a lot of material things around us. I think that you have good

                        inspired thinking, so I wonder, what gives a Buddhist life value?

Luang Por :     What matters most to Buddhists is Dhamma attainment, because happiness  obtained from external sources such as family, dignity, power, and fortune are

still limited. They coexist with life’s obligations. But happiness and joy from  Dhamma attainment is boundless and superior to a household life. Then the

value of life can be achieved through the attainment of Dhamma that exists  within oneself. Having said that, I would also like to emphasize a basic need for material wealth to a certain degree, but it will never buy true happiness and the highest satisfaction in life for us. Prince Siddharta, as an example, rejected his excess royal wealth because he foresaw that they provided limited happiness whereas sufferings still existed. His solution was to ordain and seek enlightenment which yielded the highest satisfaction for himself. Those who possess great wealth but never feel satisfied with their lives are still unsuccessful. But the Dhamma attainment will lead us to the highest satisfaction. We will desire for nothing more. We will be able to rely on ourselves and be independent from all external factors.

Monica :          What about the tradition of going to the temple? Is it the norm that you have to  go to the temple regularly as a Buddhist? Is it acceptable to go just once in a while, or must you go every Sunday? I am talking about normal Buddhists, not monks.

Luang Por :     Devout Buddhists usually go to the temple to make merits. However, like in  other religions, non-strict Buddhists do not care to keep this trait. They do

                        not make themselves a frequent visitor to temples.

Monica :          Do the scriptures teach about organizing the temple, and the fellowship among  other Buddhists?

Luang Por :     There is a teaching that Buddhists should visit temples regularly in order to learn
from the wise, the sages, and especially the Buddhist monks, who prolong

the Lord Buddha’s teachings. This allows the new generation to understand
the  truth of life and to follow the path accordingly, so they can live their lives

righteously towards the ultimate goal of humankind by correcting their view  first.
The Lord Buddha never forced anyone to become a Buddhist or to visit the

temples, he just pointed out the many benefits of doing so. This raises the  awareness that one should take the best care of oneself in both private and public aspects by doing only good deeds. Did I make it clear to you?

Simply speaking, Buddhists do not force anyone to visit temples but they help to  provide a better understanding of Buddhism, until one is willing to come.
For example, one is given guidance on how to have the right livelihood which would secure for oneself a rebirth only in the wholesome realms.

Buddha knows : Rebir th & Incarnation

Buddha knows - An interview with Abbot Dhammajayo on Buddhism 

by Monica Øien

“Our birth is not directed by anyone, 

but it is the matter of karma or retribution for our past deeds”

Monica :          Thank you. Ok, what does it mean for a Buddhist to give birth to a child?

Luang Por :     Buddhism regards a birth not only as a natural process. We consider that everyone is reborn because of the cycle of life and death. As long as the driving force remains, 

                        one continues to be reborn in order to learn the truth of life that would lead to the final stage, or the end of birth. The more often we are born,
the more suffering we encounter. Birth is the origin of many other kinds of suffering  such as aging, sickness, death, separation from loved objects, facing unpleasant

things and torment from unfulfilled desire. Consequently, a human birth is not  only natural, but also has the purpose of seeking to cease birth itself. This Buddhist view
is neither pessimistic nor optimistic, but rather realistic. The reality is that suffering coexists with birth. Our birth is not directed by anyone, but it is the matter of karma
or retribution for our past deeds. Physically, birth starts from a father and a mother who have a sexual relationship, or in Dhamma terms, physical intercourse where the refined body is given an opportunity to incarnate.

Monica :          Can you tell me if the Buddhists have any birth rituals, and why you do or
do not  have them?

Luang Por :     Traditional Buddhists have no rites associated directly or indirectly to birth
because we are taught not to force the newborn child to become a new Buddhist.

However, everyone is subject to learning the ‘knowhow’ in order to achieve  one’s goal of ending rebirth. Some families believe that inviting monks for food

offerings on a family member’s birthday will make the day auspicious,
and will earn them merit. Sometimes they may request the monks to name their child.

Ultimately, the principle is that the parents have to raise their children with care.
They are also obliged to educate their children on how to be a good person in

                        society and achieve the goal of ending rebirth.

Monica :          Is it an issue what the child was in his former life? Does it any matter to the  parents
if they come from terrible background in a former life?

Luang Por :     Actually, it’s hard for parents to know about the past lives of their child.
They  never know where the child was from. What they do know is that they have

to care for their child with love and warmth, as well as teaching the child  according
to the Dhamma. However, if they find out later on that their child

was from an unwholesome realm such as the realm of animals,
they should  simply accept the truth. Although they might feel unfortunate,
it is a good opportunity for them to guide their child for improvement in the present
and the  future.

Monica :          Do Buddhist parents expect their children to come from a good past life?

Luang Por :     Buddhist parents are similar to all other parents. They expect their child to have
come from a good realm.

Monica :          What does the Buddhist scripture teach parents about how they should raise
or  have children?

Luang Por :     The Lord Buddha taught that parents should feed them not only with food,
but  they should also teach their child to abstain from misdeeds such as killing,
stealing, sexual misconduct, false speech, consumption of alcohol and narcotics,
and involvement in any other unwholesome allurements. These are the first steps.
For the next step, they have to teach their child to do only good deeds including practicing generosity, observing precepts, and meditating. Thirdly, parents should support their child’s education to the highest level. The fourth step is that parents should advise their child on how to choose a promising spouse. Significantly,
due to their long experience in married life, the parents should help their sons and daughters to find a consort who is relevant to them in four aspects: faith, precepts, attitude, and belief, so they can live together harmoniously. Lastly, provide the children with property in a timely manner so as to be invested in the future.
The parents should also suggest how to earn, spend and save money.

Monica :          In my travels I have seen different birth traditions around the world,
in different  religions. I just wonder, are there any spiritual differences in having
a boy or a  girl for Buddhist parents?

Luang Por :     What do you mean by “spiritual differences”?

Monica :          Spiritual, well…I don’t know if that’s the proper word. But I was thinking about  whether they have different responsibilities, or if one sex is more important than

the other, because a lot of other religions think that. I just wondered if it’s  something that’s considered in Buddhism as well.

Luang Por :     In Buddhism, we do not worry about the child’s gender since it has nothing to do  
                       with the parents’ spiritual progress and prosperity. Indeed, it depends on whether 
                        the parents follow the teachings of the Lord Buddha. Parents will be happy

if their children show gratitude towards them as a result of their teaching, 
and if  their children are capable, well-behaved, and successful in their career

and education. The Lord Buddha also taught that children should make merit and dedicate to their parents who have already passed away.

if their children show gratitude towards them as aresult of their teaching,
and if their children arecapable, well-behaved, and successful in their careerand education. The Lord Buddha also taught thatchildren should make merit and 

dedicate to theirparents who have already passed away.