Buddha knows : A Successful Marriage

Buddha knows - An interview with Abbot Dhammajayo on Buddhism

By Monica Øien

“One of the reasons why family members are drawn to share the same 

fate or belong to the same family is that they had committed similar

actions in the past”

Monica :          We have a big problem in Norway. Many people get divorced, like 50% every year, and I don’t know why that happens all the time because you can just change

                        your man like you change your car or clothes, and so we are trying to find out how
do they do it in other religions and other cultures. Hopefully we can take some of this information back home and inspire Norwegians. How is it possible to maintain a long

                        loving marriage?

Luang Por :     Those who decide to get married need to know three important questions.
Why do you want to get married? How do you find a suitable spouse?
What will create a good married life? For the first question, the objectives of marriage are not only for a sexual relationship or the continuity of family lines,
but also to live side by side and encourage each other to achieve the goal of being born human, like doing good deeds, avoiding bad deeds, terminating the cycle of birth or at least being  reborn into a celestial realm. Moreover, it is not enough to get married just because two people love each other. Apart from love, one needs to consider

                        other factors as well. As mentioned above, the couple should be equal to each other in four aspects: faith, precepts, attitude and belief. Buddhist couples usually

                        take some time to learn and know each other before getting married.
This means it may take months or even years. In a way, waiting is seen as a test for true

                        love. In order to have a happy marriage, husband and wife must learn to live together and treat each other with equal consideration.
What a husband and wife should do in order to make a good relationship is to
“love simultaneously, be angry at different times”.
Also, they should always smile at each other, learn to

                        be calm and reasonable, respect each others needs and opinions,
provide each other with some degree of freedom, and sacrifice themselves for the sake of the family. In order to prolong the relationship, they should learn to create some space between each other. For example, a relationship is compared with a bird in

                        our hands. If we grasp it too tight, the bird will die and we will lose it forever.
To keep it with us, we must learn to hold it gently and with great care.
Moreover, husbands and wives should learn to please each other with sharing, sweet words and help.
They should also act properly so as to learn what a wife should do for a

                        husband and what a husband should do for a wife. There are a lot more tactics which can not all be explained here. Although the advice here may be quite

                        a good guideline for leading a married life, sometimes it does not work for some people. If it does not, the cause of the break up may be explained by the

                        law of karma. In the Buddhist worldview, separation is a sign that the couple's time
to reap the fruit of their good deeds, which they had done together in the

                        previous lifetime, is at an end. Thus, each of them is forced to separately walk their own path according to their karma. For women whose married life suffers

                        from violence, hard burdens or infidelity, according to Buddhist explanation,
it is the effect of their own misbehavior in the past life. The women probably

                        used to be men in their previous lifetime but they are re-born as women and suffer all these situations because they had committed adultery, had abandoned

                        or abused their wives and children. One of the reasons why family members are drawn to share the same fate or belong to the same family is that they had

                        committed similar actions in the past.

Buddha knows : Daily Life of Buddhists Meditation

Buddha knows - An interview with Abbot Dhammajayo on Buddhism 

by Monica Øien

“Before bed, again it is the time for prayer and meditation in order to free 

their mind from stress and all problems they have faced during the day”

Monica :          What do Buddhist’s scriptures say about time?

Luang Por :     Time management for laypeople and Buddhist monks is quite different. Laypeople have to manage their time in order to achieve both worldly and spiritual development. Every morning they will pray, meditate and share merit with all living things after they get up. All day long, they will observe their mind; work with full consciousness and wisdom while encountering problems from their work or their lives. Before bed, again it is the time for prayer and

                        meditation in order to free their mind from stress and all the problems they have faced during the day. When they go to bed, they will have a sound and peaceful

                        sleep. All laypeople should know their life goal is that they were born to achieve nirvana, so that they can balance their material and spiritual activities.

                        These are daily activities for general laypeople. In addition, every fortnight on the full-moon day, committed Buddhists will visit the temples and listen

                        to a sermon, meditate, and make merits. Also, on special days in Buddhism such as Visakha Puja Day, Asarnha Puja Day, Buddhist Lent Day, the end of Buddhist Lent Day, and every Buddhist observance day, they will join Buddhist ceremonies at the temple and observe eight precepts.

Monica :          I just wonder, the perception of Thais must be so different inside here. Can you describe an ordinary day for a Buddhist monk?

Luang Por :     People who decide to be Buddhist monks undoubtedly want to liberate themselves from sufferings, and attain Nirvana like the Lord Buddha

                        who terminated birth. Therefore, all days and nights, Buddhist monks practice the duties of monkhood to completely eradicate their spiritual defects. Early in the morning, Buddhist monks pray and meditate. Then, they leave the temples to go on alms rounds. After that, they clean their place and study the Lord Buddha’s

                        teachings both by reading the scripture and practicing meditation. In the evening, they also clean the place, say a prayer, and perform meditation to clear their

                        mind with the goal to eradicate defilements. Every fortnight on the full-moon day, Buddhist monks give sermons to teach the people coming to the temples.

Monica :          How much time do you spend meditating every day?

Luang Por :     I meditate twice a day--when I close and open my eyes; when I inhale and exhale. In every manner even sitting, standing, lying, walking or doing

                        anything, I can keep meditating naturally and automatically because I have practiced it this way since I got ordained. I can focus my mind on my inner

                        peace despite my outward movement. It is like the road that lays still even when there are cars running on it, or the sky that is fixed in its place even when clouds

                        are floating by. It became my habit to meditate by focusing my mind at the center of my body, all the time in every activity.

Monica :          Yes ok. How does this meditating affect the rest of your day?

Luang Por :     The benefits of twenty-four hour meditation are that it makes me happy and joyful. It gives me awareness and wisdom which enable me to extinguish my own sufferings. Consequently, I am willing to help other people every day.

                        I use the knowledge from meditation to help people by teaching them about the causes and effects of their deeds which is called “the law of karma”. I spread this knowledge, via the DMC channel, to help people around the world find true

                        happiness. I do all these things out of happiness, goodness of the heart, with full-conscience and wisdom.

Monica :          If you don’t meditate, is there any difference?

Luang Por :     People who do not meditate lack strength of the mind. Their mind will be exposed to confusion, sadness, boredom, stress, hollowness, anxiety and many

                        troubles because there is nothing to empower or protect their minds from everyday life’s problems.

Buddha knows : Rebir th & Incarnation

Buddha knows - An interview with Abbot Dhammajayo on Buddhism 

by Monica Øien

“Our birth is not directed by anyone, 

but it is the matter of karma or retribution for our past deeds”

Monica :          Thank you. Ok, what does it mean for a Buddhist to give birth to a child?

Luang Por :     Buddhism regards a birth not only as a natural process. We consider that everyone is reborn because of the cycle of life and death. As long as the driving force remains, 

                        one continues to be reborn in order to learn the truth of life that would lead to the final stage, or the end of birth. The more often we are born,
the more suffering we encounter. Birth is the origin of many other kinds of suffering  such as aging, sickness, death, separation from loved objects, facing unpleasant

things and torment from unfulfilled desire. Consequently, a human birth is not  only natural, but also has the purpose of seeking to cease birth itself. This Buddhist view
is neither pessimistic nor optimistic, but rather realistic. The reality is that suffering coexists with birth. Our birth is not directed by anyone, but it is the matter of karma
or retribution for our past deeds. Physically, birth starts from a father and a mother who have a sexual relationship, or in Dhamma terms, physical intercourse where the refined body is given an opportunity to incarnate.

Monica :          Can you tell me if the Buddhists have any birth rituals, and why you do or
do not  have them?

Luang Por :     Traditional Buddhists have no rites associated directly or indirectly to birth
because we are taught not to force the newborn child to become a new Buddhist.

However, everyone is subject to learning the ‘knowhow’ in order to achieve  one’s goal of ending rebirth. Some families believe that inviting monks for food

offerings on a family member’s birthday will make the day auspicious,
and will earn them merit. Sometimes they may request the monks to name their child.

Ultimately, the principle is that the parents have to raise their children with care.
They are also obliged to educate their children on how to be a good person in

                        society and achieve the goal of ending rebirth.

Monica :          Is it an issue what the child was in his former life? Does it any matter to the  parents
if they come from terrible background in a former life?

Luang Por :     Actually, it’s hard for parents to know about the past lives of their child.
They  never know where the child was from. What they do know is that they have

to care for their child with love and warmth, as well as teaching the child  according
to the Dhamma. However, if they find out later on that their child

was from an unwholesome realm such as the realm of animals,
they should  simply accept the truth. Although they might feel unfortunate,
it is a good opportunity for them to guide their child for improvement in the present
and the  future.

Monica :          Do Buddhist parents expect their children to come from a good past life?

Luang Por :     Buddhist parents are similar to all other parents. They expect their child to have
come from a good realm.

Monica :          What does the Buddhist scripture teach parents about how they should raise
or  have children?

Luang Por :     The Lord Buddha taught that parents should feed them not only with food,
but  they should also teach their child to abstain from misdeeds such as killing,
stealing, sexual misconduct, false speech, consumption of alcohol and narcotics,
and involvement in any other unwholesome allurements. These are the first steps.
For the next step, they have to teach their child to do only good deeds including practicing generosity, observing precepts, and meditating. Thirdly, parents should support their child’s education to the highest level. The fourth step is that parents should advise their child on how to choose a promising spouse. Significantly,
due to their long experience in married life, the parents should help their sons and daughters to find a consort who is relevant to them in four aspects: faith, precepts, attitude, and belief, so they can live together harmoniously. Lastly, provide the children with property in a timely manner so as to be invested in the future.
The parents should also suggest how to earn, spend and save money.

Monica :          In my travels I have seen different birth traditions around the world,
in different  religions. I just wonder, are there any spiritual differences in having
a boy or a  girl for Buddhist parents?

Luang Por :     What do you mean by “spiritual differences”?

Monica :          Spiritual, well…I don’t know if that’s the proper word. But I was thinking about  whether they have different responsibilities, or if one sex is more important than

the other, because a lot of other religions think that. I just wondered if it’s  something that’s considered in Buddhism as well.

Luang Por :     In Buddhism, we do not worry about the child’s gender since it has nothing to do  
                       with the parents’ spiritual progress and prosperity. Indeed, it depends on whether 
                        the parents follow the teachings of the Lord Buddha. Parents will be happy

if their children show gratitude towards them as a result of their teaching, 
and if  their children are capable, well-behaved, and successful in their career

and education. The Lord Buddha also taught that children should make merit and dedicate to their parents who have already passed away.

if their children show gratitude towards them as aresult of their teaching,
and if their children arecapable, well-behaved, and successful in their careerand education. The Lord Buddha also taught thatchildren should make merit and 

dedicate to theirparents who have already passed away.

Buddha knows : “If you could go further beyond the praying, you can enter into a deeper level.”

Inter view

Buddha knows - An interview with Abbot Dhammajayo on Buddhism
by Monica Øien

“If you could go further beyond the praying,
you can enter into a deeper level.”

Luang Por :     Blessings! Beautiful bows from you. Where did you learn this?

Monica :          Thank you. A wonderful laywoman here taught me. I have been practicing.

Luang Por :     Really? Very nice! Please take your seat. I have seen pictures of beautiful  Norway which motivates me to visit, but I am afraid of cold weather.

Monica :          It’s really cold, that’s true. But in summer it goes up to 25 degrees.

Luang Por :     Which months are in summer?

Monica :          May, June, July, and August.

Luang Por :     That’s during Buddhist lent. What about Hallgrim? How many times have you  been to Thailand?

Hallgrim :        Same.

Luang Por :     Oh, really? Both of you?

Monica :          My friends usually go to Thailand every year, and I have been dreaming of visiting for 36 years. So, now I’m here. Phra Somsak taught me the beginning of meditation yesterday.

Luang Por :     Have you ever tried meditation before?

Monica :          I have been doing a little bit of yoga. I think meditation is more similar to my  praying.

Luang Por :     Yes, and there is a more advanced level of meditation as well.

Monica :          You know this scares me, the deeper method. But that’s probably why I should  pursue it.

Luang Por :     Praying develops into ‘meditation’ when our mind enters a deeper level of  tranquility.

Monica :          Wow!

Luang Por :     You already have a good background on regular praying which is a level of  meditation. If you could go further beyond the praying, you can enter into a

deeper level. I think it is about time. You have been praying for 36 years. This  is the year that you should go further towards deeper meditation.

Monica :          I can sense it. I agree with you. I am very optimistic. I have seen here at the  temple that it’s possible to do a quick meditation for 5 minutes a day.

                        So we will start to do meditation in Norway for 5 minutes a day, and

                        then when we are hooked, we will not stop. Then we will do more.

Luang Por :     Certainly, when you get hooked, nobody can stop you. It’s up to you if you  want to meditate. Your objective here is not just for an interview,

                        but meditation as well.

Monica :          No, not just for an interview. Next time I promise to have a day off
                        for meditation.

Luang Por :     Don’t be concerned about time. Even a few hours spent in Thailand could

                        also lead you to that meditation level.

Monica :          Well definitely, I can feel that I am really calm now because we came from  New Delhi. And, well, we had such a hard trip with the traffic and we didn’t sleep.

                        So only time we could relax was when we came here to the temple yesterday.

Luang Por :     Ah! Where did you learn about the Buddhist culture? How did you know that  Buddhists place their hands in the prayer position when conversing with monks?

Monica :          Well, they taught me here.

Luang Por :     You took to it easily then?

Monica :          Once I relaxed it felt normal for me to do it. And I am a naturally curious person,  so I always want to find out what people think and do wherever I go.

It’s kind of my hobby as well.

Luang Por :     Excellent! How did you come up with these interesting questions?

Monica :          I did it together with my researcher and director in Norway.

Luang Por :     So, I assume these questions are derived from the issues that Norwegians are  interested in, right?

Monica :          Well, I am honored to do one of the few religious programs on television in  Norway. We are raising these new questions because I think the world in general is missing a lot about life, joy, happiness and love. We have been finding out how to get religion to meet materialism, so that we can be happier people in

Norway. We are suffering a lot from the darkness and the coldness. Those are  our questions in life, and especially for me, Monica.

Luang Por :     Monica, let’s put it this way. Due to my age I might need some assistants to help  answer as my health is not so robust, and I will add other things that others

can also benefit from. Some questions might not be fully elaborated on and I will  gradually add to them bit by bit as we proceed. We should enjoy our conversation and share each other’s experience, rather than only do an interview. I wish to make my answers as beneficial as possible.

Monica :          That’s great, thank you. Firstly, I would like to ask you if you believe in the  economic church, if you believe that all religions are related somehow, and how

                        they are linked to each other.

Luang Por :     Economic Church?

Monica :          Yes economic; like they are all logically promoting the same thing.

                        All the churches, all the religions, the big religions, the main religions,

                        are connected somehow. They all have the same goal. By using the TV program

we can learn much from the other religions and incorporate the wisdom into our  daily lives.

Luang Por :     Indeed, all the mainstream religions are derived from the same core of wisdom.To tell you the truth, this is my first time on a Norwegian television program. You are the first Norwegian to interview me.

Monica :          I am really honored. Thank you, Tusen Takk.

Luang Por :     Your native language sounds beautiful. If I wish to greet you in Norwegian,

                        what should I say?

Monica :          You should say “Hvordan har du det?”. Would you like to try?

Luang Por :     Sounds beautiful, but difficult as well… “Hvordan har du det?”

Monica :          Oh yes.

Luang Por :     This means that I can go to Norway, yes?

Monica :          Yes, but you will not understand the answer.

Luang Por :     I will just smile then. We won’t ever starve to death if we smile. I enjoy  conversing with you, but I’m not sure if the interview part will be entertaining.

Monica :          So then we will reciprocate. I learn things from you, and now you learn things  from me.

Luang Por :     Right, we both meet each other halfway. I think that’s fine.

Monica :          This is a very beautiful room. And the temple itself is amazing. I’m very  impressed. And the atmosphere you have is so peaceful,

                        and yes… I could live here.

Luang Por :     Really?

Monica :          Well, yes. I could live here, but I have a baby… I guess this way of life would

                        be difficult for me.

Luang Por :     Well, simply meditate, even for a short period of time, and you will enjoy the  utmost satisfaction.

Monica :          Oh, thank you.

Luang Por :     OK, please go ahead and ask your questions.

Buddha knows : Preface & Background

          While Buddhism was born and has prospered in the Orientalworld, 

blessing people with the teachings that guide them towards happy lives and both mental 

and physical wellbeing, people from the Occidental world have recently become 

increasingly moreinterested in Buddhist philosophy as a way to find the answers for their lives that cannot be explained by science and technology.

            This book was derived from an introductory interview between

Monica Øien, the hostess of a number of Norwegian TV programs, 

and  Luang Por Dhammajayo, the abbot of the Dhammakaya Temple and

president of the Dhammakaya Foundation, who sacrificed his valuable

time from the duties of promoting world-peace through inner-peace,

to answer all the challenging questions from western people who lack

a background knowledge in Buddhism. His answers, which contain a

lot of Buddhist wisdom, have given light to the interviewer who has

spread this knowledge to a Norwegian audience via her television show.

            The publisher considers this interview to be beneficial

for all people who wish to access the Lord Buddha’s teachings

through simple, conversational language. For all non-Buddhists

who are curious about Buddhism, this book is a quick guide that

provides the fundamentals of Buddhist views. We have obtained

permission from Luang Por Dhammajayo to publish this book.

            A survey in Norway has revealed that there are many things

people still wonder about in their lives, like human birth, how to

raise children and lead a wholesome family life, the practice of a

monk’s celibacy, death and the afterlife, effective time management,

and the Buddhist engagement in religious ceremonies. All these

questions inspired the Norwegian producers from TV2,
who have tried to provide some answers to these questions that will help
the audience solve their problems and maximize their lives. This program

is called “Gudene Vet” which means “God Knows” in Norwegian,

where different religious leaders are interviewed for TV broadcast.

            The presenter of this chat show is Ms. Monica Øien,
a well  established hostess and TV producer, who has traveled around
the world in search of answers to the mysteries of life. She has met and

interviewed many people from various religions, with different beliefs

and from diverse backgrounds, who have given her various perspectives

of their worldviews that form the foundation of her program.

             The producers’ team was very interested to hear the Buddhist

worldview, so they researched the Buddhist countries and found 

a prominent organization that has become internationally successful 

in spreading the wisdom of Buddhism. The team asked for permission

from the Dhammakaya temple to interview the abbot, Luang Por

Dhammajayo (The Most Venerable Dhammajayo Bhikkhu), 

and record the Kathina ceremony, an annual offering of robes for

Buddhist monks at the temple. After the sacred Kathina ceremony

on 5th November 2006, there was an interview with the abbot the

next day at the Tusita Pavilion of Dhammakaya temple. 

The interview ran from 2:00 – 5:30 pm. Apart from giving an interview, 

Luang Por Dhammajayo also taught the production team how to meditate,

which brought each of them a unique experience of inner peace.

                The program “God Knows” which is on TV2, one of

Norway’s most popular channels, broadcasted the conversation

between the abbot of the Dhammakaya temple and Ms. Monica

Øien from 11th February to 18th March 2007. This program

was on the air during Sunday prime time, from 6 pm onward.

Buddha knows : Contents : Easy Conversation on Practical Buddhist Wisdom.

Buddha Knows

Copyright © 2010

Copyrighted by

Dhammakaya Foundation

40 Mu 8, Khlong Song

Khlong Luang District

Pathumthani Province

Thailand 12120

www.dhammakaya.net

Download electronic version of this book at

www.tawandhamma.org

All rights reserved.

No part of this document may be reproduced

or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic

or mechanical, including photocopying and recording,

or by any information storage and retrieval system,

without permission in writing from the publisher.

ISBN: 978-616-7200-13-2

Printed in Thailand

by O.S. Printing House Co., Ltd.

Contents

Preface
Background
Interview
Rebirth & Incarnation
Monastic V.S. Secular Life
Buddhist Congregation
Buddhist View on Sex
Death & Afterlife
Daily Life of Buddhists Meditation
A Successful Marriage
Death and Rebirth
How to Meditate ?
About the Interviewer
About Luang Por Dhammajayo
Basic Meditation Practice
Contributors

Buddha knows